Sweet Escape

   Sitting in a corner of my room with nothing but my thoughts. Those cruel, heartless thoughts that plague me on nights like this. Alone, like always. God knows where he is tonight. Probably getting his dick sucked by some little boy he picked up at the adult store. After all, those are his favorite. Young, naive boys who say they're older than they really are, just now experiencing the wonders of the flesh. You can almost always convince those to do whatever it is you want that night. At least he did.
   He left over an hour ago, after our heated argument. He doesn't like me talking to my friends, and after going through my call history on my cell phone, he learned I did just that today. We argued, yelling every curse word in existence at each other. And when there was nothing more to say, he pulled his vanishing act on me once again. Serves me right for forgetting to erase those calls.
   How did I ever end up here? In this one sided relationship. I threw everything away for a chance at happiness with him. God, I was so stupid. I suppose I still am, I haven't left him after all. But then again, I probably never will. I love him, how could I? What a horrible feeling, being torn in half is. Part of me yearns for a way out, while the other side can't imagine a life without him. And so here I am, enduring this sick love. This love that takes more away from me than what it gives. I realize that now, I have for some time, but I'd never admit it.
   I never let on about my feelings. I'm too proud to let somebody see me down. Even he doesn't realize his actions are tearing away at my insides. How would he? I cry in the shower so he won't hear me, and I never forget to slap on a new smile once I'm out. But, I'm at that point now where it's becoming to difficult to do this. I feel like I'm too busy acting like everything is OK so that people won't worry. I'd hate to be a burden. It's exhausting keeping up appearances.
   Why go on? If this is the life I was meant to have, I don't want it. It isn't living anymore, it's dying a little more each day, a slow, painful death. I know what I have to do. If I can't be happy with him, and I won't be happy without him, it all has to end here. I'm the only one who can bring an end to this twisted carousel ride.
   I'm not sure when I grabbed the knife, I just know I held it firmly in my right hand now. I can't help but smile at the thought of what I'm planning to do, pressing the blade against my left wrist, ever so gently running the teeth across my skin. The blade calling my name, offering peace at last. Peace from what this existence has become. Sadness, insanity, tears for the man who cannot love me back. Can not or will not, I'm not even sure anymore, All I know is I'm tired of this shit, tired of it all. I just want to rest my troubled mind and tattered heart.
   I'm glad he isn't here. He won't be able to barge in and attempt to stop me. No sir, no one will know, until it's too late. And oh, how I bet they'll miss me then. They'll regret the way they treated me all these years. How they so conveniently forgot me here in this corner, left to fend for myself. The time they never made for me, they now will wish they had. Fuck you all! This is my final revenge. Now my name shall plague all of your minds, especially yours, my wretched lover.
   Without hesitation, I must do this now. Make it quick, no use in suffering anymore. I push down on the blade, ripping it across my wrist. The pain instantly shoots out in all directions like a spring of water. Except this isn't water, nothing so pure can come from me. I am after all the disease everyone turns away from.

   Blood, so much blood.

   Who would think so much blood coursed through these veins? I feel it running down my arm, hot and seeking a way to leave this crippled source behind. I look around me as I sink onto the floor, weak from the loss of blood I assume. I hear the carpet SQUISH beneath me, soaked in my crimson shame.
   I did it! No more of this sad life for me. I'm free. I guess I had the strength after all to leave you asshole! You can't hurt me anymore, not where I'm going.
   Why do I feel so thirsty? If I had known I'd be feeling like this I would have had enough sense to have a glass of water next to me when I did this. Oh well, that's all behind me now. Now, I have to simply wait for the comforting darkness, the eternal bliss that comes with death's kiss. Perhaps even happiness.
   I hear the neighbor's dogs barking outside as I lay down on the floor. Barking, they're always barking at nothing. Should have taken care of you guys first. Then that way I could have the silence I yearn for now. Let me close my eyes. Let me try closing my mind to everything that is around me, everything I'm leaving behind. No more barking. No more anything. Peace at last. And then silence most sweet.